Albuquerque Divorce Lawyer Blog

When a relationship breaks up, the anger and sadness between the parties can prevent them from protecting the most vulnerable parties to a divorce or child custody action- the children. No matter where you live in New Mexico or the United States, the focus in a custody dispute needs to remain on determining what is in the best interest of the children. Sadly, in cases involving parental alienation, not only do one or both parents often engage in behavior that damages the children, they can create a situation in which the children themselves are contributing to the alienation against one parent.

While parental alienation often begins with one parent (the aligning parent) trying to interfere with the relationship between the other parent (the rejected parent) and the child, the behavior of all of the parties can exacerbate the situation. Children involved in nasty custody battles in which parental alienation is taking place may feel abandoned by the rejected parent and may push that parent away. Even if the children's feelings of rejection are based on misinformation provided by the aligning parent, the rejected parent may actually pull away from the children, which can contribute to the children's feelings of abandonment.

A variety of factors can influence children's response to potential alienation, including the children's age, their cognitive capacity, their overall temperament and whether or not the children have external support to help them deal with the emotional duress of a custody battle. No matter the cause, counseling and therapy will almost always be required to help children and parents deal with the cause and effects of a heated custody dispute. Unfortunately, one or both parents will often refuse to participate in therapy, at which time the courts must step in to order any counseling necessary to stop the abusive behavior that causes parental alienation and protect the best interests of the children. Consulting with an experienced child custody attorney is essential to identifying your responsibilities and protecting your rights in any custody dispute.

Sarah Armstrong
Albuquerque Attorney
www.CollinsAttorneys.com

Co-parenting is never easy, whether you are involved in a child custody dispute as part of a divorce in New Mexico or a paternity action somewhere across the country; the issues are often the same. Unfortunately, when custody disputes get really heated parental alienation can occur.

Although parental alienation is a broad and controversial topic, the main premise is that parental alienation occurs when one parent tries to turn a child, or children, against the other parent by doing things like making negative comments against the other parenting, interfering with visitation and encouraging the child to point out the other parent's faults. Some cases can be quite extreme with false allegations of child abuse used to sever the relationship between the child and parent.

The parent trying to alienate the child is often called the aligning parent because that parent is trying to align the child with him or her against the other parent. In turn, the alienated parent is often called the rejected parent. Rejected parents can be quick to believe they are the victims of parental alienation, however, they often do not realize that their behavior may be contributing to the alienation taking place between the parties.

For instance, aligning parents may create alienation because they, rightly or wrongly, have a deep distrust of the rejected parent and they have convinced themselves that the rejected parent does not really care for the child. This distrust may lead the aligning parent to say terrible things to the child about the rejected parent and to try to prevent any contact between them. In such a case, the rejected parent may respond by withdrawing from the conflict entirely or by rejecting the child as reprisal for the aligning parent's actions. Rejected parents may also contribute to alienation by having a very harsh or rigid parenting style or being overly critical of the child. When a rejected parent's behavior contributes to the alienation, those actions sometimes lead to estrangement.

Obviously the issues involved in a parental alienation case can get complicated quickly. Anyone involved in a custody dispute where one or both parties may be contributing to parental alienation should contact an attorney immediately before the damage done to the parent child relationship is irreversible. This is particularly important in cases involving false allegations of abuse.

Sarah Armstrong
Albuquerque Attorney
www.CollinsAttorneys.com

One issue that can complicate any child custody arrangement is one parent's decision to leave New Mexico and their desire to take their child with them. While the court cannot prevent a parent from moving, it can prevent the parent from taking a child with them. If the parent wants to move prior to a divorce or paternity action being filed, they will most likely be prevented from doing so by the temporary domestic order entered by the court in nearly every family law case. If the parent wants to move after a parenting plan and custody order has been entered by the court, the plan itself should address whether or not one parent can move with the child.

If both parents agree that one parent can leave New Mexico with the children, then they should file a pleading with the district court that notifies the court of their parenting agreement. If the parties do not agree, then the party wishing to move can file a motion asking the court to allow him or her to relocate with the child. Once a parent decides to move, they should first discuss the proposed move with the other parent in order to see if an agreement can be reached. If not, then the parent who wishes to move needs to file their motion to relocate as soon possible because it can take weeks if not months to get a hearing before the judge.

In considering a motion to relocate, the court will look at many of the same issues it looks as in any custody evaluation. The basic question asked by the court will be whether or not the move is in the child's best interest. This includes things like: what support systems will be available to the child in his or her new home; how attached the child is to the family and community they will be leaving behind; the wishes of both parents; and, depending on the child's age, the wishes of the child. The court will also examine the distance between New Mexico and the proposed new home and the ability of the parties to travel for visitation, as well as the moving parent's reason for wanting to relocate.

Acting quickly and understanding the complicated nature of child custody decisions is key to success in getting the court's approval to relocate with a child or preventing that relocation. Thus, is it imperative that any parent in such a situation contact an experienced New Mexico child custody attorney as soon as possible.

Sarah Armstrong
Albuquerque Attorney
www.CollinsAttorneys.com

The primary goal of the New Mexico Courts in any child custody and time-sharing decision, whether it is part of a divorce or paternity case, is to find a solution that is in the "best interests of the child." Parents and their attorneys can often spend a lot of time and money trying to convince the court that their proposed custody arrangement is in the child's best interest, but the parties often fail to consider the same factors in this determination as the Court.

The court, or sometimes a child custody evaluator or guardian ad litem appointed by the court, will look at factors like: the wishes of each parent regarding custody; the child's relationship with each parent and their siblings and any other people living in the parents' home; the physical and mental health of the child, the parents and anyone else directly involved in the child's life; how well-adjusted the child is to his or her community, school and each parent's home; and, if the child is fourteen or older, the wishes of the child.

Obviously, these factors are broad and require the courts to examine everything from the child's grades to concerns about drug abuse by the parents to the child's ability to get along with their step-siblings. Given how many facts must be considered by the court in making custody decisions, it becomes clear why such decisions are rarely made very quickly. In fact, it may take several hearings for the court to rule on a parenting plan and may involve outside experts charged with interviewing everyone involved. The complexity of the determination also explains to some degree why even with the most well intentioned parties, the determination of child custody can be highly contentious.

The complicated nature of custody decisions suggests that a parent faced with a custody dispute should speak to an experienced divorce and family law attorney immediately if at all possible. An attorney experienced in child custody may be able to minimize the conflict in child custody process. Of course, much the attorney's success in keeping conflict down will depend on the parties and the other attorney.

Sarah Armstrong
Albuquerque Attorney
www.CollinsAttorneys.com