Albuquerque Divorce Lawyer Blog

Most parents want to support their children and provide as much as possible for them. In fact, New Mexico law imposes a duty on both parents to do just that. However, the negative feelings and financial damage caused by a divorce or child custody battle make the issue of child support pretty tricky. Here are some tips to help:

• Pay on Time. This can be hard to do when money is tight, but the parent receiving child support is often counting on the support payment to pay rent or other expenses for the children. Paying on time not only benefits the children by making sure that they have food and a roof over their heads, but it helps prevent additional conflict between parents. Moreover, there are few things that escalate conflict in child custody cases more than financial stress. And this leads to court hearings. And hearings lead to all manner of burdens and expenses. The burdens of attorney fees, court costs, potential sanctions and even jail time for failure to pay on time will far outweigh the temporary relief of putting off a child support payment.

• Pay by Check. It is essential that child support payments are made using a traceable method of payment so that the paying party always gets credit for the payments made. It happens so frequently that it is almost to be expected that any undocumented payments will be disputed by the receiving parent. Parents often believe that a money order is traceable because it is not cash, but that trace is often difficult, if not, impossible, depending on where the money order is purchased. If a parent must pay in cash or with a money order, he or she should make sure they get a receipt signed by both parties that acknowledges the amount of the payment received and the date of receipt.

• Consider Wage Withholding. A wage withholding order instructs a parent's employer to deduct the child support payment from the parent's paycheck and send it directly to the parent receiving support, or sometimes to a state agency like the child support enforcement division. Parents often resist the entry of a wage withholding order, but it can be very helpful to both parents because it ensures that the support payment is made on time. Just as important, it creates an indisputable record of all child support payments. The orders can also be structured to spread the payment over the month by taking part from each paycheck, which can help the paying parent budget appropriately.

• Exchange Income Information. The child support statute allows either parent to request updated income information from the other one time each year in order to determine whether or not child support should be modified. Parents can exercise that right each year by making the information request in writing after April so that the other parent should have current tax information available.

• File for Modification. Child support can be modified any time there has been a material and substantial change in circumstances, which can include a major change in timesharing, the emancipation of a child, and/or a large increase or decrease in income for either parent. However, that change is only effective once a new court order is entered, which means that a parent seeking a modification needs to file a motion asking the Court to modify child support as soon as a change has taken place. Unilateral changes to child support without a court order can lead to very serious consequences no matter the basis for the change.

Child support and child custody issues can be quite stressful for all concerned. There is enormous potential for high levels of conflict. With rising levels of conflict comes attorney fees which may in fact be dwarfed by the costs associated with the appointment counselors, court appointed experts, guardian ad litems, and other professionals associated with the conflict. Avoid this conflict if possible by paying in full on time and in verifiable manner. If you are financially unable to do so, then go to court immediately to address the hardship with the court.

Collins & Collins, P.C.
Albuquerque Attorneys

Child custody and time-sharing disputes can be extremely contentious. One common flashpoint is the child custody exchange. There are a number of common sense things the parents can do to avoid escalating conflict that often builds over time with custody exchanges. There are also a number of things that parents should not do during the exchange. Here are the top ten that we came up with:

1. Do NOT arrive late to pick up your children. This may seem obvious, but what can seem like a few harmless minutes to one parent can really upset the other parent and, in turn, the children. Always leave extra time to ensure that you will get to the pick location on time.

2. Do NOT make last minute changes. This goes along with being on-time and shows a general respect for the other parent and allows everyone to know what to expect. While it may seem like a simple change to have the other parent meet you at the store, rather than their house as regularly scheduled, such a change may really disrupt the other parent's plans, which in turn causes the children stress.

3. Do NOT discuss other issues at exchanges. Exchanging your children can be a difficult, tension filled process for both parents and children. Do not add to that tension by bringing up other issues like child support or a request to change timesharing at the exchange, save those discussions for a telephone call or e-mail exchange with the other parent.

4. Do NOT arrive unprepared. Bring children to an exchange with all the items they will need for their time with the other parent, this includes homework, sports equipment, clothes etc. This preparation helps limit stress on children because they have what they need and limits hysterical phone calls between parents looking for a soccer uniform twenty minutes before the game is scheduled to start.

5. Do NOT bring dates or random people to exchanges. As noted above, exchanges can be really stressful for parents and children alike, especially after a recent divorce or separation. Bringing a date may upset the other parent unnecessarily and bringing any other person may distract you from focusing on your children who need your full attention.

6. Do NOT go alone where domestic violence is an issue. (the exception to Number 5). If you and your ex have a history of domestic violence or accusations of domestic violence, it may be a good idea to bring a third party with you to exchanges to act as witness, which often helps everyone behave. Think carefully about the person you bring; it needs to be someone your children are comfortable with and who will not upset your ex. And remember, this person's job is just to observe not to create or participate in drama between parents.

7. Do NOT discuss adult issues with the children. When your son or daughter gets in the car at an exchange without a coat in the middle of winter, this may upset you. However, do not use that time to make comments about your ex (i.e. "I guess your father is too busy to bring your coat" or "Doesn't your mother know how to dress you properly?") to your children. Such concerns need to be addressed between parents outside the earshot of children. Involving children in adult issues makes them feel torn between parents and, in the long run, can cause severe emotional harm.

8. Do NOT make your children the intermediary. Parents get separated for a reason and they often want as little to do with each as possible, which is why it can be tempting to have your children give the other parent messages for you. Never do this. A child's job is to be a child, not to run interference between feuding parents. Not only is such message sending stressful for the children, it is a really ineffective way to communicate information and will often lead to misunderstandings that cause bigger problems.

9. Do NOT be stubborn. While both parents' time with their children is important and it is essential that each parent respect that, life still happens. Be flexible about rescheduling visits to accommodate family vacations and work conflicts with the other parent. Or if exchange times need to be rearranged to accommodate your children's music lessons, work with the other parent.

10. Do NOT bring law enforcement to exchanges. It is not the job of the police or sheriff's department to enforce family law orders. Aside from escalating conflict between parents, the presence of law enforcement can really upset children who often associate law enforcement with someone being in trouble or some sort of emergency. Surrounding exchanges with such negative connotations can cause children a lot of anxiety and even fear about exchanges.

Collins & Collins, P.C.
Albuquerque Attorneys

In the spirit of starting the New Year off on the right foot, here are ten suggestions for making custody exchanges go as smoothly as possible:

1. Follow your Parenting Plan. This may seem obvious, but following the terms of your Parenting Plan as closely as possible helps avoid last minute changes that cause stress for everyone, including children.

2. Keep it Simple. Between the work schedules of two parents and the increasingly demanding school and activity schedules for children, creating a time-sharing schedule can be difficult. Limiting the number of transitions during the week and maintaining the same exchange locations and times can alleviate the stress of exchanges for children and parents alike. Keeping the Parenting Plan, or at least the time-sharing schedule, in an easily visible place can help children and parents keep everything straight.

3. Arrive on Time. This not only helps avoid arguments between parents, it gives children a sense of security knowing that they can count on being picked up and dropped off at a specific time.

4. Keep Everyone Updated. While it's always best to follow the Parenting Plan and to arrive on time, we all know that life can sometimes get in the way. A parent who is running late should let the other parent and, if possible, let the children know what is going on.

5. Pick Up and Drop Off at School. When possible, arranging exchanges at school can minimize contact between parents (if this is needed) and create a smooth transition for children. Be sure to let the school know which parent picks up the children when.

6. Neutral Locations for Exchanges. Sometimes a time-sharing schedule, or children's ages, don't allow for exchanges at school. In those cases, drop off and exchanges at a neutral, public location, like a store parking lot or police substation, can help limit conflict between parents and may be a way to limit travel time for parents that live far away from each other.

7. When Exchanging at Home, be Respectful. If parents have decided to pick up and drop off children at their respective homes, remember to be respectful of other parent's space. Do not enter the home unless invited in and do not make negative comments about the home to the other parent or the children.

8. Communicate with Children. Exchanges can be very difficult for children, who often feel torn between both parents. Encourage children to share their feelings without pumping them for information about the other parent or making negative comments. This can be a difficult balance to reach, especially when there is a high level of conflict between parents. A trained child therapist or psychologist may be able to provide some techniques for encouraging communication in a positive way.

9. Communicate with the Other Parent. This can be the toughest part of co-parenting, but it is essential to making a Parenting Plan work. If the exchanges aren't going well because the children are upset or the schedule is cumbersome, address the problem with the other parent and try to reach a resolution before allowing resentment to build or running back to Court. In high conflict situations, a text or e-mail exchange may help.

10. Change the Time-Sharing as Needed to Meet the Changing Needs of the Children. No Parenting Plan is one size fits all. Children's needs and desires changes as they get older. Work with the other parent to modify the time-sharing schedule as children's needs change. For instance, when a teenager's after school sports practice interferes with their weekly dinner visit with the non-custodial parent, discuss adding in some more weekend time with that parent or an activity they can share.

Keep in mind that the goal of an effective parenting plan at least in the estimation of the courts is to promote the best interests of the children. Exchanges are fertile ground for conflict and conflict in the end hurts the children. Following a few basic rules, and common courtesies, will avoid much unnecessary conflict.

Collins & Collins, P.C.
Albuquerque Attorneys