Albuquerque Divorce Lawyer Blog

The ending of relationships, whether through divorce or other means of separation should present an opportunity to move on for both the couples and the children involved; however, when domestic violence is present in these relationships, moving on may not be the goal of the abuser.

For those that perpetrate domestic violence, control is often the main goal of their behavior, according to the National Coalition against Domestic Violence. When divorce or separation proceedings begin, an abuser may attempt to maintain control by manipulating the process.

Manipulation can come in the form of improperly painting a portrait of the victim as unstable and less competent as a parent. Because of the abuse suffered, the victim may be less able to overcome these allegations, whether through an inability to speak up due to fear or because of some mental impairment suffered through trauma.

The law and the courts of New Mexico seek by mandate to achieve the best interests of the child. Unfortunately, on occasion, New Mexico's "best interest of the child" standard used in child custody issues may actually help an abusive parent exert control over another parent.

This standard implies that it is "best" that the child to be raised by both parents, unless there is evidence that such a relationship would be detrimental to the child. Because of the often secretive nature of domestic violence, this evidence may not be easily obtained. Even the child involved may not fully observe or understand the relational dynamics between their parents, thus, they may not be able to alert authorities to the dangers facing the victim parent.

If an abusive parent can successfully convince the court that the child belongs with them, the victim parent loses control, while the abuser gains more control. The abuser now has the legal right to continue controlling the other parent through visitation schedules, monetary support and even decisions regarding the actual care of the child. More alarmingly, the victim parent may be subject to further violence because of the continued contact.

Domestic violence matters should be openly discussed with an attorney, once the decision to separate has been made. An experienced divorce attorney can become the voice of the victim throughout the court proceedings and may eliminate the potential for an abuser to continue their reign of control.

Collins & Collins, P.C.
Albuquerque Attorneys

A divorce or legal separation will always be difficult emotionally, however, it can be just as hard, if not worse, financially. Often it is not until the parties begin exchanging income information as part of their divorce action that they realize just how dire their financial situation is. Given that New Mexico is a community property state, each spouse is equally responsible for the debts incurred during a marriage. If those debts are substantial, the divorcing parties may want to consider filing bankruptcy.

Anyone considering bankruptcy should consult an attorney that specializes in bankruptcy to determine whether or not it is in their best interests, or if they even qualify to file. This is especially true when parties are divorcing because the parties need to decide whether or not they want to file a joint bankruptcy before the divorce or pursue other options. For example, the bankruptcy code prohibits individuals with incomes above a certain, state-specific threshold from filing bankruptcy and it limits what assets are exempt, or can be kept by the parties after filing. The intersection between federal bankruptcy laws and New Mexico's family law statutes and cases can be tricky to navigate, so parties should be cautious when going down that road.

If parties decide not to file a joint bankruptcy and proceed with their divorce, it is essential that the divorce settlement documents include language that addresses what will happen if one or both spouses decide to file bankruptcy after the divorce.

Spousal support, or alimony, and child support obligations are not dischargeable in bankruptcy, which means that the spouse who owes that money cannot get out of paying it by filing bankruptcy.

However, obligations to pay debts may be dischargeable depending on whether the spouse files a Chapter 7 or Chapter 13 bankruptcy. This becomes problematic if one spouse agrees to assume a community debt as part of a divorce, but then later discharges that debt. If that debt is community, or in both parties' names, then a lender may seek to collect the debt from the other spouse. Therefore, divorce settlement documents should include language that clearly identifies the parties' intentions when dividing debt. For example, if one party is taking a debt instead of paying spousal or child support, then language should clarify that the debt is in the nature of support to prevent dischargeability.

Of course, no one can predict what exactly will happen after a divorce. Sometimes a spouse has every intention of paying the debts they assume in the divorce, but then they lose a job or suffer some other setback that prevents them from doing so. The best the parties can do is consult with experienced family law and bankruptcy counsel in order to make educated decisions about property and debt division and to properly memorialize those decisions in the final divorce documents.

Collins & Collins, P.C.
Albuquerque Attorneys

Most parents want to support their children and provide as much as possible for them. In fact, New Mexico law imposes a duty on both parents to do just that. However, the negative feelings and financial damage caused by a divorce or child custody battle make the issue of child support pretty tricky. Here are some tips to help:

• Pay on Time. This can be hard to do when money is tight, but the parent receiving child support is often counting on the support payment to pay rent or other expenses for the children. Paying on time not only benefits the children by making sure that they have food and a roof over their heads, but it helps prevent additional conflict between parents. Moreover, there are few things that escalate conflict in child custody cases more than financial stress. And this leads to court hearings. And hearings lead to all manner of burdens and expenses. The burdens of attorney fees, court costs, potential sanctions and even jail time for failure to pay on time will far outweigh the temporary relief of putting off a child support payment.

• Pay by Check. It is essential that child support payments are made using a traceable method of payment so that the paying party always gets credit for the payments made. It happens so frequently that it is almost to be expected that any undocumented payments will be disputed by the receiving parent. Parents often believe that a money order is traceable because it is not cash, but that trace is often difficult, if not, impossible, depending on where the money order is purchased. If a parent must pay in cash or with a money order, he or she should make sure they get a receipt signed by both parties that acknowledges the amount of the payment received and the date of receipt.

• Consider Wage Withholding. A wage withholding order instructs a parent's employer to deduct the child support payment from the parent's paycheck and send it directly to the parent receiving support, or sometimes to a state agency like the child support enforcement division. Parents often resist the entry of a wage withholding order, but it can be very helpful to both parents because it ensures that the support payment is made on time. Just as important, it creates an indisputable record of all child support payments. The orders can also be structured to spread the payment over the month by taking part from each paycheck, which can help the paying parent budget appropriately.

• Exchange Income Information. The child support statute allows either parent to request updated income information from the other one time each year in order to determine whether or not child support should be modified. Parents can exercise that right each year by making the information request in writing after April so that the other parent should have current tax information available.

• File for Modification. Child support can be modified any time there has been a material and substantial change in circumstances, which can include a major change in timesharing, the emancipation of a child, and/or a large increase or decrease in income for either parent. However, that change is only effective once a new court order is entered, which means that a parent seeking a modification needs to file a motion asking the Court to modify child support as soon as a change has taken place. Unilateral changes to child support without a court order can lead to very serious consequences no matter the basis for the change.

Child support and child custody issues can be quite stressful for all concerned. There is enormous potential for high levels of conflict. With rising levels of conflict comes attorney fees which may in fact be dwarfed by the costs associated with the appointment counselors, court appointed experts, guardian ad litems, and other professionals associated with the conflict. Avoid this conflict if possible by paying in full on time and in verifiable manner. If you are financially unable to do so, then go to court immediately to address the hardship with the court.

Collins & Collins, P.C.
Albuquerque Attorneys

Child custody and time-sharing disputes can be extremely contentious. One common flashpoint is the child custody exchange. There are a number of common sense things the parents can do to avoid escalating conflict that often builds over time with custody exchanges. There are also a number of things that parents should not do during the exchange. Here are the top ten that we came up with:

1. Do NOT arrive late to pick up your children. This may seem obvious, but what can seem like a few harmless minutes to one parent can really upset the other parent and, in turn, the children. Always leave extra time to ensure that you will get to the pick location on time.

2. Do NOT make last minute changes. This goes along with being on-time and shows a general respect for the other parent and allows everyone to know what to expect. While it may seem like a simple change to have the other parent meet you at the store, rather than their house as regularly scheduled, such a change may really disrupt the other parent's plans, which in turn causes the children stress.

3. Do NOT discuss other issues at exchanges. Exchanging your children can be a difficult, tension filled process for both parents and children. Do not add to that tension by bringing up other issues like child support or a request to change timesharing at the exchange, save those discussions for a telephone call or e-mail exchange with the other parent.

4. Do NOT arrive unprepared. Bring children to an exchange with all the items they will need for their time with the other parent, this includes homework, sports equipment, clothes etc. This preparation helps limit stress on children because they have what they need and limits hysterical phone calls between parents looking for a soccer uniform twenty minutes before the game is scheduled to start.

5. Do NOT bring dates or random people to exchanges. As noted above, exchanges can be really stressful for parents and children alike, especially after a recent divorce or separation. Bringing a date may upset the other parent unnecessarily and bringing any other person may distract you from focusing on your children who need your full attention.

6. Do NOT go alone where domestic violence is an issue. (the exception to Number 5). If you and your ex have a history of domestic violence or accusations of domestic violence, it may be a good idea to bring a third party with you to exchanges to act as witness, which often helps everyone behave. Think carefully about the person you bring; it needs to be someone your children are comfortable with and who will not upset your ex. And remember, this person's job is just to observe not to create or participate in drama between parents.

7. Do NOT discuss adult issues with the children. When your son or daughter gets in the car at an exchange without a coat in the middle of winter, this may upset you. However, do not use that time to make comments about your ex (i.e. "I guess your father is too busy to bring your coat" or "Doesn't your mother know how to dress you properly?") to your children. Such concerns need to be addressed between parents outside the earshot of children. Involving children in adult issues makes them feel torn between parents and, in the long run, can cause severe emotional harm.

8. Do NOT make your children the intermediary. Parents get separated for a reason and they often want as little to do with each as possible, which is why it can be tempting to have your children give the other parent messages for you. Never do this. A child's job is to be a child, not to run interference between feuding parents. Not only is such message sending stressful for the children, it is a really ineffective way to communicate information and will often lead to misunderstandings that cause bigger problems.

9. Do NOT be stubborn. While both parents' time with their children is important and it is essential that each parent respect that, life still happens. Be flexible about rescheduling visits to accommodate family vacations and work conflicts with the other parent. Or if exchange times need to be rearranged to accommodate your children's music lessons, work with the other parent.

10. Do NOT bring law enforcement to exchanges. It is not the job of the police or sheriff's department to enforce family law orders. Aside from escalating conflict between parents, the presence of law enforcement can really upset children who often associate law enforcement with someone being in trouble or some sort of emergency. Surrounding exchanges with such negative connotations can cause children a lot of anxiety and even fear about exchanges.

Collins & Collins, P.C.
Albuquerque Attorneys

In the spirit of starting the New Year off on the right foot, here are ten suggestions for making custody exchanges go as smoothly as possible:

1. Follow your Parenting Plan. This may seem obvious, but following the terms of your Parenting Plan as closely as possible helps avoid last minute changes that cause stress for everyone, including children.

2. Keep it Simple. Between the work schedules of two parents and the increasingly demanding school and activity schedules for children, creating a time-sharing schedule can be difficult. Limiting the number of transitions during the week and maintaining the same exchange locations and times can alleviate the stress of exchanges for children and parents alike. Keeping the Parenting Plan, or at least the time-sharing schedule, in an easily visible place can help children and parents keep everything straight.

3. Arrive on Time. This not only helps avoid arguments between parents, it gives children a sense of security knowing that they can count on being picked up and dropped off at a specific time.

4. Keep Everyone Updated. While it's always best to follow the Parenting Plan and to arrive on time, we all know that life can sometimes get in the way. A parent who is running late should let the other parent and, if possible, let the children know what is going on.

5. Pick Up and Drop Off at School. When possible, arranging exchanges at school can minimize contact between parents (if this is needed) and create a smooth transition for children. Be sure to let the school know which parent picks up the children when.

6. Neutral Locations for Exchanges. Sometimes a time-sharing schedule, or children's ages, don't allow for exchanges at school. In those cases, drop off and exchanges at a neutral, public location, like a store parking lot or police substation, can help limit conflict between parents and may be a way to limit travel time for parents that live far away from each other.

7. When Exchanging at Home, be Respectful. If parents have decided to pick up and drop off children at their respective homes, remember to be respectful of other parent's space. Do not enter the home unless invited in and do not make negative comments about the home to the other parent or the children.

8. Communicate with Children. Exchanges can be very difficult for children, who often feel torn between both parents. Encourage children to share their feelings without pumping them for information about the other parent or making negative comments. This can be a difficult balance to reach, especially when there is a high level of conflict between parents. A trained child therapist or psychologist may be able to provide some techniques for encouraging communication in a positive way.

9. Communicate with the Other Parent. This can be the toughest part of co-parenting, but it is essential to making a Parenting Plan work. If the exchanges aren't going well because the children are upset or the schedule is cumbersome, address the problem with the other parent and try to reach a resolution before allowing resentment to build or running back to Court. In high conflict situations, a text or e-mail exchange may help.

10. Change the Time-Sharing as Needed to Meet the Changing Needs of the Children. No Parenting Plan is one size fits all. Children's needs and desires changes as they get older. Work with the other parent to modify the time-sharing schedule as children's needs change. For instance, when a teenager's after school sports practice interferes with their weekly dinner visit with the non-custodial parent, discuss adding in some more weekend time with that parent or an activity they can share.

Keep in mind that the goal of an effective parenting plan at least in the estimation of the courts is to promote the best interests of the children. Exchanges are fertile ground for conflict and conflict in the end hurts the children. Following a few basic rules, and common courtesies, will avoid much unnecessary conflict.

Collins & Collins, P.C.
Albuquerque Attorneys

Like the old song says, "there's no place like home for the holidays," but for children of divorced or separated the often question becomes "whose home for the holidays?"

Given that New Mexico law strongly favors joint legal custody and regular, well-defined periods of time-sharing for both parents, decisions must be made about how parents are going to share time with their children for the holidays.

And, given that the holidays can be a very stressful time, decisions about holiday time-sharing should be made well in advance of the actual holiday. Ideally, every Parenting Plan (the court document that details parents' rights and responsibilities with respect their children) should include a holiday schedule,

When there is not yet a parenting plan and the parents are still in the middle of a custody dispute or who have had a change in circumstances since the entry of their Parenting Plan, the parties must agree on where their children will spend the holidays or have the Court decide for them. This is rarely the best, and never the least stress approach to the problem.

Keep in mind that it can take weeks or months to get a hearing before the Court, so if parents aren't going to be able to agree on holiday time-sharing, they can't wait until the week before Christmas or Thanksgiving and expect to ask the Court to decide the issue for them.

In trying to reach an agreement about holiday time-sharing, or deciding what to ask for from the Court, parents should try to take a step back from the situation and really concentrate on what is in the best interests of their children.

No matter how their parents feel about each other, most children really want to spend time with both parents, especially for the holidays. For instance, children probably want to eat Thanksgiving turkey with their grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins from both sides of the family, but they probably don't want to start one meal at 1:00 p.m. with one parent and then leave at 3:00 p.m. so that the other parent can rush to have the children at a Thanksgiving meal that starts at 4:00 p.m.

Similarly, children will likely want to open Christmas presents under the tree with both parents and they may wake up early to see what Santa brought them, but it is unlikely that, after waking up early, the children want to get dressed, packed and whisked away to the other parent's house by 8:00 a.m. because the other parent insists on having the children for most of Christmas Day.

To avoid the unnecessary stress on the children, parents may consider alternating holidays every year, i.e. one parent has the children for the whole day on Thanksgiving, or even the entirety of the children's Thanksgiving vacation in even years and the other parent has that time in odd years. Or, for Christmas, one parent may have the children from the beginning of the children's Christmas vacation to December 26th and the other parent has the children for the second half of Christmas vacation, including New Year's Eve and New Year's Day. These schedules would alternate each year.

These schedule suggestions may not be right for everyone, but they provide examples of how to focus on giving the children a fun and relaxing holiday, rather than forcing children to run around and feel pulled between parents.

There are many, many time-sharing options and, hopefully, parents can work together to find an agreement that they can live and that, most importantly, maximizes their children's happiness, enjoyment and well-being. An experienced family law attorney can not only advise parents about the law regarding time-sharing, but can be an integral part of finding creative ways to solve time-sharing disputes.

Collins & Collins, P.C.
Albuquerque Attorneys

As any parent knows, raising children can be a very expensive endeavor, which is why all states have laws governing child support for children when parents are divorced, separated or were never married.

In New Mexico, both parents have a duty to support their children and that support is calculated using the New Mexico Child Support Guidelines, which are based on the gross incomes of both parents. The first step in any child support action is gathering income information for both parents and calculating support based on the Guidelines. After the child support has been calculated, the court may enter an order that instructs one parent to pay the other a certain amount of child support every month. Then comes the hard part which is making sure that the support gets paid.

Enforcement of a child support order can be hard on both parents. Given the tough economic times facing many New Mexicans, the parent receiving child support may depend on the monthly check to make ends meet. Receiving a child support payment even a day or two late can cause serious problems, like a bounced rent check or car payment.

In turn, the parent paying support may also be living paycheck to paycheck and may have trouble paying support in addition to his or her monthly bills. However, failure to pay the monthly support obligation can cause a variety of problems for the non-paying parent including suspension of his or her driver's license, seizure of bank and financial accounts, a finding of contempt (and possible jail time and fines), issues with employment to name just a few.

One solution to the problem of getting child support paid on time is through the entry of a wage withholding order. A wage withholding order is similar to a garnishment, in that it is a court order instructing a parent's employer to withhold the monthly child support from a parent's paycheck and send it directly to the parent entitled to receive support. Or, in some cases, the employer sends the child support payment to the Child Support Enforcement Division ("CSED") and then CSED sends it to the other parent.

Both parents can benefit substantially from entry of a wage withholding order. As a preliminary matter, such an order ensures that the support gets paid in a regular, timely fashion, which means that the parent receiving the support can count on getting the support at the same time every month and can plan to pay bills accordingly. It can also help the paying parent meet their obligation because they aren't tempted to pay other bills before paying their child support, after all you can't spend what you don't have. Another substantial benefit to the paying parent is that there is a clear record of what payments were made, so the receiving parent can't claim that they didn't receive a payment, which to the chagrin of many child support paying parents happens with great regularity.

There are limits wage withholding. Most orders provide that an employer cannot withhold more than 50% of the paying parent's income. So, if the paying parent isn't making enough money to cover the monthly obligation, then the receiving parent may be stuck trying to collect the additional support. Also, wage withholding orders typically provide that the total monthly support obligation is divided over pay periods, which can be good for the paying parent but may not be good for the receiving parent who wants the whole monthly obligation all at once.

Child support will be an issue in every divorce involving children or paternity action filed in New Mexico. Having an experienced family law attorney can help both the paying parent and the receiving parent navigate the complicated world of child support, including collection of support after a judgment is entered.

Collins & Collins, P.C.
Albuquerque Attorneys

Being involved in a family law matter, whether it is a divorce or child custody dispute, can be incredibly stressful. The best way to minimize that stress is to resolve the outstanding issues with minimal court time. But when one or both parties are unwilling to reach agreements then court time cannot be avoided.

Most parties tend to focus on the specific facts of their case and how the law applies, which is clearly important. However, another essential element of any court appearance is how the parties and their attorneys conduct themselves. This general advice about how parties should conduct themselves in Court applies to every kind of legal matter from divorce and custody issues to criminal charges to commercial litigation. However, it seems the issue of conduct and decorum most often arises in family law court where both the parties, and on occasion, the lawyers get caught up in the emotion of the case.

As a preliminary matter, everyone should arrive at the courthouse early and at least attempt to confer with the opposing party and/or their counsel. Sometimes the Court will specifically order the parties to arrive at a hearing thirty minutes early in order to meet and confer, but even if the parties are not ordered to arrive early it is a good idea to do so. Many issues, and sometimes whole cases, have been resolved outside the courtroom just before a hearing.

Even if the parties can't resolve their issues, most judges appreciate that the parties tried to do so. Further, being late can result in the hearing being cancelled and reset, or in extreme circumstances, with the Court issuing a default or order of contempt against the party that is not there on time. Arriving promptly for all hearings and trials also shows the Court that the parties respect the authority of the Court.

And, whether or not it should matter, how the parties look is also important. Some Courts have specific dress codes that do not allow parties to wear clothing items like hats, torn jeans or short skirts to Court. Generally speaking, parties should wear clothing that would be appropriate for a business meeting or church gathering.

In addition to showing up and showing up on time, manners and respect for the Court and the process are very important. To begin, the parties should stand when the Judge enters and leaves the courtroom and should address the Judge as "Your Honor." Respect and courtesy in Court is important. Without such respect and courtesy, the hearings can quickly get out of hand.

Perhaps most importantly, beyond basic courtesies, the parties should conduct themselves appropriately any time they are before the Court. This includes things like not speaking out of turn, particularly when this involves interrupting the judge. Judges, like everyone else, do not like being interrupted. These interruptions cause undue delay, prolong hearings, escalate hostility and are very rarely insightful in any event.

The parties should refrain from using foul language. Likewise, the parties should not shout at one another, either of the attorneys, witnesses, and most certainly not the judge. The parties should refrain from arguing with the Judge or giving other confrontational non-verbal cues like rolling their eyes when the Judge, or the other party, speaks.

For the most part, these common sense courtesies should really go without saying but unfortunately, the lack of basic civility is all too common in family court. Due to the emotion, and the fact that this may be the one and only time the parties have ever been in court, they often misconstrue the purpose, the nature and the process. Parties far too often see the court hearing as a debate, a platform or some kind of cathartic release.

It is not. It is no more acceptable in court than outside. Unlike occasions outside the court, the judge has contempt powers which means a party can be arrested and taken into custody for misbehavior. This is relatively rare. What is much more common is that the behavior will alienate the judge. And this is something one does not want to do!

Part of an attorney's job is to try to manage their clients' behavior in front of the Judge so that the Judge sees that party in the most positive light possible. While such good behavior might not actually give one party an advantage, very poor behavior will definitely prejudice the Judge against the badly behaving party. After all, if parties cannot control themselves in court, the judge may wonder how they behave around the children in a custody situation. Then there are the close calls, and common sense will tell you who wins those!

Collins & Collins, P.C.
Albuquerque Attorneys

Appearing in Court for any reason, whether as a party to a case or as a witness or both, can be a great source of anxiety for anyone. That anxiety is often magnified in a family law case because emotions tend to run high when parties are in a divorce or child custody dispute.

One way to help ease the stress of going to Court is to be as prepared as possible for every Court appearance. In New Mexico, family law matters are heard by a District Court judge in the area in which the case is filed, which is called the Judicial District. For instance, cases filed in Albuquerque are heard by the Second Judicial District Court and cases in Rio Rancho are heard by the Thirteenth Judicial District Court.

Once you get in front of the Court, the primary issue at a hearing will most often be how the New Mexico law regarding division of assets and debts, custody, timesharing and child support applies to the facts of the case. Thus, it is essential that the parties and their attorneys be prepared with knowledge of the facts, and evidence to support those facts, as well as knowledge of the applicable law, including print outs of statutes and case law.

Another important part of being prepared for a hearing, beyond knowing the law and facts, is an understanding of what issues are set for that hearing and how much time is allotted. Not every hearing in a family law matter will address all of the outstanding issues between the parties, especially if the matter is highly contentious.

Often a hearing will be set to address a single issue or set of issues, i.e. child support or the interim division of income and expense. This is true during a divorce proceeding, where there may be several shorter hearings before the court holds the final trial or evidentiary hearing at which it resolves all outstanding issues related to the parties' marriage.

In turn, the court has ongoing jurisdiction over support and custody for children until they turn 18, therefore, there can be hearings in those cases every time there is a material and substantial change in circumstances.

Also, Judges will not allow the presentation of evidence at every hearing; some hearings are just set in order to give the Court an idea of the pending issues so it can determine how to proceed. For instance, if the parties are set for a ten minute pre-trial conference at which the Court typically sets dates for trial and other deadlines, the parties should not show up expecting to present evidence of income and expect child support to be ordered.

Having an understanding of what will be addressed at a specific hearing not only helps parties and their attorneys be prepared but it also helps parties' manage their expectations of the relief they can expect to be granted by the Court at each appearance.

Of course, no attorney, or anyone else, can fully predict the outcome of a hearing, or how a Judge will rule on a specific issue. However, an experienced family law attorney should be able to help parties prepare for hearings by explaining what items are on the agenda or docket, understanding the applicable law and knowing the underlying facts.

Such preparation may not completely eliminate the anxiety caused by a court appearance, but is should help calm the parties down and has the added benefit of greatly increasing the party's chances of success.

Collins & Collins, P.C.
Albuquerque Attorneys

The New Mexico Family Violence Protection Act ("the Act") creates a specific cause of action that allows a victim of domestic abuse to obtain a civil restraining order against the household member who committed the abuse. This type of restraining order is called an order of protection and will prevent the restrained party from any contact with the victim. Any person accused of domestic violence has a right to a hearing before a long-term order of protection is entered against them. The Act provides that those hearings may be conducted by a domestic violence special commissioner.

The special commissioner is not a judge, although they must be an attorney licensed to practice law in New Mexico and be knowledgeable in the areas of domestic relations and domestic violence. The special commissioner also has the authority to review initial petitions for orders of protection, issue temporary orders and enforce or modify orders of protection. However, all decisions by the special commissioner must be approved by a district court judge. Essentially, the special commissioner recommends a certain action (in the case the entry of an order of protection) and then the district court judge decides whether or not to accept that recommendation and issue the order. As a practical matter, most recommendations by the special commissioner are initially approved and entered by the reviewing district court judge.

Even though a special commissioner's initial recommendations will almost always be entered, the restrained party still has the opportunity to object to the special commissioner's findings and have those objections heard by the district court judge. Generally those objections must be filed with the district court within ten (10) days of the entry of the order of protection, or other related order, and they must be submitted in writing. Further, when submitting objections, it is also important to remember that the district court judge is only reviewing the special commissioner's recommendations and will only reverse or modify the resulting order if they determine that the recommendations were: arbitrary and capricious or an abuse of discretion; not supported by substantial evidence in the record; or, otherwise not in accordance with the law. This legal standard can be hard to overcome, which means that objections clearly explain to the district court why the entry of the order of protection is improper. It is not enough for an objecting party to tell the court that he or she disagrees with the entry of the order of protection; they must provide a legal basis for the objection.

Given that the district court judge is only reviewing the special commissioner's recommendations, it is essential that a party facing an order of protection take the initial hearing with the special commissioner seriously and present as much evidence as possible refuting the charges. By the same token, a party seeking to have an order of protection should be ready to present evidence supporting their case and explaining why they need protection. Parties should not disregard the importance of the initial hearing by relying on their ability to object later. And, given the very serious consequences of the finding of domestic violence that underlies an order of protection, both parties should seriously consider having legal counsel represent them before the special commissioner as well as to file any required objections.

Collins & Collins, P.C.
Albuquerque Attorneys

Many divorces have some level of conflict. Many others go smoothly with minimal emotional and financial damage to parties and the children. Then there are the high conflict divorces. These are generally devastating both emotionally and financially to the parties. They are rarely necessary and should be avoided if at all possible.

There are numerous behaviors that can send a divorce toward high levels of conflict and consequent high attorney fees and costs. The following list is not exhaustive but reflects the most common indicators and behaviors of high conflict divorce. To send a divorce spiraling into conflict, one or both parties:

1. Can begin the divorce process by avoiding service of process.
2. Can refuse to answer, forcing a motion and hearing on default.
3. Can fight the interim division of income and expense.
4. Can refuse to provide discovery or make illegal, nonstandard or overly burdensome discovery requests.
5. Can file groundless motions.
6. Can refuse to cooperate and compromise on the division of property and debt.
7. Can refuse to mediate in good faith once the case is sent to settlement facilitation by the court, as every case is.
8. Can force a trial even though the outcome will be harmful to both parties.
9. Can fight over the smallest and most trivial items as a way of settling emotional scores.
10. Finally, after all that, can refuse to abide by the Marital Settlement Agreement (MSA) or court judgment by; Refusing to cooperate in preparation of QDRO's. Refusing to cooperate in transfer of assets. Refusing to sell the home as ordered. Refusing to refinance the home or other debt as ordered. Refusing to provide title documents as ordered and required by law to transfer property. Refusing to pay debt as allocated. Or finally, coming up with new and creative ways to avoid obligations under the MSA or court judgment.

Now for the bad news. Any one of these can add enormous costs to the parties in terms of attorney fees. Each one could require a hearing which can add significantly to the costs of the divorce due to preparation time, travel time to court, waiting for the hearing to begin, drafting the order after the hearing and of course, returning to the judge for rulings on the content of the order because one of the attorneys or parties does not agree with the order as written, does not agree that the order as written reflects the court's ruling or just plain wants to be difficult. In short, any one of these issues can add hours upon hours of attorney time with corresponding attorney fees.

Now for the really bad news. I did not mention domestic violence, child custody, or child support. These issues can each increase the costs of a divorce or family law matter exponentially. They each are deserving of a discussion of their own.

In short, the costs of a divorce are dictated by the amount of attorney time expended. The amount of attorney time is dictated by the behavior of the parties. Either or both parties can drive up the costs of a divorce. Attorneys have limited control over the variables that will drive up attorney time. The best a lawyer can do is to try to work efficiently while advising the client of the risks of rising costs associated with certain behavior. Unfortunately, even the most efficient attorneys cannot control the other side. Only the other attorney can control that side of the equation and that is entirely different topic for discussion.

Collins & Collins, P.C.
Albuquerque Attorneys

Given that divorce and child custody disputes can often be contentious, costly and time consuming for both the parties and the courts, many of the New Mexico judicial districts routinely refer parties to mediation or settlement facilitation.

The purpose of both mediation and settlement facilitation is to provide a means by which parties to a family law case can reach an agreement without having to engage in a lengthy, stressful and costly court battle. The terms meditation and settlement facilitation are often used interchangeably to simply refer to a process wherein the parties sit down with a neutral third party and attempt to resolve their conflict. Although the two terms refer to similar processes, the term settlement facilitation technically applies after a lawsuit has been filed whereas as meditation can occur before, during or after a suit has been filed.

Either way, participating in some sort of dispute resolution process can be very beneficial to both parties. As a preliminary matter, an effective settlement facilitation can save the parties a lot of money in attorney's fees and their own time. Each issue that is settled by the parties without their attorney's having to file motions and attend hearings to argue the disputed issue can save hundreds, or even thousands of dollars.

Further, a settlement facilitation can often be held, and a settlement reached, much more quickly than court action because the facilitation can be scheduled at the convenience of the parties, rather than the Court whose docket is often crowded. In very busy judicial districts, parties can wait months to have a hearing before a judge when a facilitation can be scheduled as soon as all of the parties, their attorneys and the facilitator are available.

The effectiveness of a settlement facilitation depends heavily on how willing the parties are to negotiate. Parties need to realize the cost of full litigation when they are evaluating whether or not they want to wait for a judge to decide an issue or try to resolve it through settlement.

The selection of a facilitator is important. Using an experienced settlement facilitator is critical to the success of a facilitation. The facilitator needs to be good at listening to both parties and addressing their concerns, but also needs to be well-versed in the applicable law so that they can accurately inform the parties of the pros and cons of their relative legal positions and the value of reaching an agreement without further court action

It is essential to remember that the settlement facilitator is an impartial party and cannot provide specific legal advice to the parties. Thus, even in settlement it is important for parties to have their own experienced family law attorney who can represent their specific interest and make sure they are making educated legal decisions.

When both of the parties, their attorneys and the settlement facilitator work together and are committed to resolving the parties' outstanding issues, it can result in an agreement that the parties can live with, that limits the time and financial resources expended by the parties and that allows the parties to move on with their lives.

Finally, at least in Albuquerque's Second Judicial District Court, settlement facilitation is generally required with few exceptions prior to a trial setting. This the Court's way of encouraging the parties to work cooperatively toward a resolution while keeping court dockets down. And to end on an encouraging note, even those parties that must be forced against their will to settlement facilitation will often find some grounds for agreement which will at least minimize the issues to be decided at trial. This alone is worth the price of admission.

Collins & Collins, P.C.
Albuquerque Attorneys

As our Baby Boomers age, we've seen a growing trend in divorce among people over the age of fifty. Of these divorces, a significant number of them occur after one of the spouses experiences a major health scare or disability. There is no single reason why this happens, but there can be many factors involved on both sides of the issue and it is important for attorneys not to judge the motivations of their clients during such a sensitive time.

Surprisingly, many women file for divorce after a major diagnosis or illness. Sometimes, dealing with one's own mortality makes a person seriously consider her life and may encourage her to leave an unhappy marriage that she may have been willing to tolerate previously. These women may want to make the most of the time they have left and have a greater appreciation for that time. In other cases, these women may have undergone a major world view change that gives them different views and perspectives on life that may not be shared with her spouse. This can enhance existing rifts in the relationship.

On the other side of the coin, the spouse of a person who has gone through a health crisis may also feel the need to leave the relationship. Some people are not by nature good caregivers and watching their formerly health spouse struggle with basic functions and tasks may shake their view of their mortality and the relationship. This may cause deep conflicts for a person who is still engaged in vigorous levels of activity himself. Others may go through their own shift in their world view and may no longer share fundamental perspectives with their spouse.

In still other cases, divorce may occur simply because the couple cannot handle enormous health expenses without impoverishing the healthy spouse. Especially in cases where an illness could be terminal, divorce coupled with applications for Medicaid and/or Medicare benefits may be the only option to protect the surviving spouse financially due to the community property laws of New Mexico. If this is something you are considering, you need to consult with an attorney experienced in both these types of estate planning and family law issues before every filing an application for benefits.

Regardless of the reason, serious illness and disability can shake a marriage to its foundations. If you are in this situation, you should consult with an experienced family law attorney to discuss your options.

Collins & Collins, P.C.
Albuquerque Attorneys

Going through a divorce can be an incredibly difficult experience. Not only are parties mourning the end of a relationship, they are typically dealing with feelings of anger and resentment toward the other person and each blaming the other for what went wrong. Add in the financial strain that comes from dividing debts and assets, along with trying to work out custody and timesharing arrangements, and it is clear why studies typically rank the stress level of a divorce just below the stress involved with losing a loved one. Given the difficulty associated with a divorce, it is often hard for parties to ever see the light at the end of the tunnel.

However, sooner or later (hopefully sooner, but that depends on how reasonable the parties are willing to be in dealing with each other) the divorce will be done. And, once that divorce is complete, each of the parties has a chance at a new beginning in life. This obviously includes the chance to pursue new romantic relationships, but can mean much more than that. In the case of a divorce with children, if the parties can manage to stay civil and work together to make the split as easy as possible on the children then the divorce can actually be good for the children. Living in a home where parents are constantly fighting or that is filled with tension can cause a host of emotional problems for children. Removing that tension by splitting up can often be a relief for children and parents alike and can enable each parent to develop a positive relationship with their children away from the negative relationship with the other parent. In turn, once the stress of living and trying to raise a family together is removed by the divorce, sometimes the parties themselves are able to remember why they became a couple in the first place and actually become friends. Or, if not friends, hopefully that can remain civil toward each other when they attend their children's school events.

After the initial financial shock caused when a community is divided, there can be a sense of freedom that comes with no longer having to make joint financial decisions. Or, sometimes more importantly, no longer being jointly responsible for another person's poor financial choices. For a party who gave up career opportunities to stay home with children, transitional or rehabilitative spousal support can provide the financial means to go back to school or get the specialized training for the job they always wanted. On the other hand, for a party who was the sole breadwinner for the family, the divorce may release the stress that comes with having to always work hard enough to provide for everyone else.

Of course, divorce is hard and can have long-term effects on everyone involved. But, trying to keep a positive outlook and cooperative attitude during the divorce process can not only increase a party's emotional well-being, but it can actually make the process itself go more smoothly. An experienced family law attorney should be able to help their client make smart legal decisions in their divorce and help them keep a positive outlook.

Collins & Collins, P.C.
Albuquerque Attorneys

Almost any time a relationship ends there is some level of conflict, even when the decision is mutual. Sometimes people can break up and go their separate ways fairly simply, however, when the break up necessitates a divorce and/or child custody action things can get complicated. The fact that New Mexico is a no fault divorce state helps to reduce conflict to some extent. But conflict can still arise with the parties themselves having the most control over the level of conflict in a divorce or custody action.

Many parties, especially parties that are particularly angry at their former partner, may insist that they don't care whether or not the conflict level in a case is high, instead they just want to "win" or hurt the other person. However, given that New Mexico's community property laws favor equitable division of assets and debts and that the New Mexico laws favor joint custody, there really aren't winners and losers in family law.

Therefore, increasing conflict or refusing to be reasonable is unlikely to result in the unreasonable party receiving more property or increased custody. What increasing conflict will do is substantially increase the cost of a divorce or custody case. Most family law attorneys charge by the hour for their services. Thus, the more time an attorney has to spend drafting pleadings, communicating with opposing counsel and attending hearings, the more expensive their bill will be. Further, the more hearings, depositions and meetings the parties have to attend, the more time and money is lost when they have to miss work and arrange for child care. Additionally, there can be a serious emotional cost to a high-conflict divorce or custody dispute that is hard to quantify and that emotional cost can often extend beyond the parties to their children and other family members.

Of course, it is a rare case when parties who are separating, or may have been separated for several months or years, can agree on everything. (If they got along that well, they would probably not be breaking up in the first place). What parties can do is sit down with their attorney, or another impartial party, and think about the issues in their divorce or custody battle that really matter the most to them. For example, is a party really that attached to the marital residence, or would they be willing to move out in exchange for a 401(k) distribution that they could use to buy a new house? Does a party really think it in their children's best interest to only see the other parent every other weekend, or are they just trying to hurt the other parent?

Only the parties themselves can answer these questions and reducing conflict may not always be possible, especially if one side simply refuses to compromise. However, any reduction, even if it is only an agreement on a few issues, will help limit both the financial and emotional toll on the parties, and allow them to move on. Hiring an experienced family law attorney can help parties determine which issues are worth holding on to and where compromise may be in their best interest.

Collins & Collins, P.C.
Albuquerque Attorneys