Albuquerque Divorce Lawyer Blog

Most parents want to support their children and provide as much as possible for them. In fact, New Mexico law imposes a duty on both parents to do just that. However, the negative feelings and financial damage caused by a divorce or child custody battle make the issue of child support pretty tricky. Here are some tips to help:

• Pay on Time. This can be hard to do when money is tight, but the parent receiving child support is often counting on the support payment to pay rent or other expenses for the children. Paying on time not only benefits the children by making sure that they have food and a roof over their heads, but it helps prevent additional conflict between parents. Moreover, there are few things that escalate conflict in child custody cases more than financial stress. And this leads to court hearings. And hearings lead to all manner of burdens and expenses. The burdens of attorney fees, court costs, potential sanctions and even jail time for failure to pay on time will far outweigh the temporary relief of putting off a child support payment.

• Pay by Check. It is essential that child support payments are made using a traceable method of payment so that the paying party always gets credit for the payments made. It happens so frequently that it is almost to be expected that any undocumented payments will be disputed by the receiving parent. Parents often believe that a money order is traceable because it is not cash, but that trace is often difficult, if not, impossible, depending on where the money order is purchased. If a parent must pay in cash or with a money order, he or she should make sure they get a receipt signed by both parties that acknowledges the amount of the payment received and the date of receipt.

• Consider Wage Withholding. A wage withholding order instructs a parent's employer to deduct the child support payment from the parent's paycheck and send it directly to the parent receiving support, or sometimes to a state agency like the child support enforcement division. Parents often resist the entry of a wage withholding order, but it can be very helpful to both parents because it ensures that the support payment is made on time. Just as important, it creates an indisputable record of all child support payments. The orders can also be structured to spread the payment over the month by taking part from each paycheck, which can help the paying parent budget appropriately.

• Exchange Income Information. The child support statute allows either parent to request updated income information from the other one time each year in order to determine whether or not child support should be modified. Parents can exercise that right each year by making the information request in writing after April so that the other parent should have current tax information available.

• File for Modification. Child support can be modified any time there has been a material and substantial change in circumstances, which can include a major change in timesharing, the emancipation of a child, and/or a large increase or decrease in income for either parent. However, that change is only effective once a new court order is entered, which means that a parent seeking a modification needs to file a motion asking the Court to modify child support as soon as a change has taken place. Unilateral changes to child support without a court order can lead to very serious consequences no matter the basis for the change.

Child support and child custody issues can be quite stressful for all concerned. There is enormous potential for high levels of conflict. With rising levels of conflict comes attorney fees which may in fact be dwarfed by the costs associated with the appointment counselors, court appointed experts, guardian ad litems, and other professionals associated with the conflict. Avoid this conflict if possible by paying in full on time and in verifiable manner. If you are financially unable to do so, then go to court immediately to address the hardship with the court.

Collins & Collins, P.C.
Albuquerque Attorneys

Child custody and time-sharing disputes can be extremely contentious. One common flashpoint is the child custody exchange. There are a number of common sense things the parents can do to avoid escalating conflict that often builds over time with custody exchanges. There are also a number of things that parents should not do during the exchange. Here are the top ten that we came up with:

1. Do NOT arrive late to pick up your children. This may seem obvious, but what can seem like a few harmless minutes to one parent can really upset the other parent and, in turn, the children. Always leave extra time to ensure that you will get to the pick location on time.

2. Do NOT make last minute changes. This goes along with being on-time and shows a general respect for the other parent and allows everyone to know what to expect. While it may seem like a simple change to have the other parent meet you at the store, rather than their house as regularly scheduled, such a change may really disrupt the other parent's plans, which in turn causes the children stress.

3. Do NOT discuss other issues at exchanges. Exchanging your children can be a difficult, tension filled process for both parents and children. Do not add to that tension by bringing up other issues like child support or a request to change timesharing at the exchange, save those discussions for a telephone call or e-mail exchange with the other parent.

4. Do NOT arrive unprepared. Bring children to an exchange with all the items they will need for their time with the other parent, this includes homework, sports equipment, clothes etc. This preparation helps limit stress on children because they have what they need and limits hysterical phone calls between parents looking for a soccer uniform twenty minutes before the game is scheduled to start.

5. Do NOT bring dates or random people to exchanges. As noted above, exchanges can be really stressful for parents and children alike, especially after a recent divorce or separation. Bringing a date may upset the other parent unnecessarily and bringing any other person may distract you from focusing on your children who need your full attention.

6. Do NOT go alone where domestic violence is an issue. (the exception to Number 5). If you and your ex have a history of domestic violence or accusations of domestic violence, it may be a good idea to bring a third party with you to exchanges to act as witness, which often helps everyone behave. Think carefully about the person you bring; it needs to be someone your children are comfortable with and who will not upset your ex. And remember, this person's job is just to observe not to create or participate in drama between parents.

7. Do NOT discuss adult issues with the children. When your son or daughter gets in the car at an exchange without a coat in the middle of winter, this may upset you. However, do not use that time to make comments about your ex (i.e. "I guess your father is too busy to bring your coat" or "Doesn't your mother know how to dress you properly?") to your children. Such concerns need to be addressed between parents outside the earshot of children. Involving children in adult issues makes them feel torn between parents and, in the long run, can cause severe emotional harm.

8. Do NOT make your children the intermediary. Parents get separated for a reason and they often want as little to do with each as possible, which is why it can be tempting to have your children give the other parent messages for you. Never do this. A child's job is to be a child, not to run interference between feuding parents. Not only is such message sending stressful for the children, it is a really ineffective way to communicate information and will often lead to misunderstandings that cause bigger problems.

9. Do NOT be stubborn. While both parents' time with their children is important and it is essential that each parent respect that, life still happens. Be flexible about rescheduling visits to accommodate family vacations and work conflicts with the other parent. Or if exchange times need to be rearranged to accommodate your children's music lessons, work with the other parent.

10. Do NOT bring law enforcement to exchanges. It is not the job of the police or sheriff's department to enforce family law orders. Aside from escalating conflict between parents, the presence of law enforcement can really upset children who often associate law enforcement with someone being in trouble or some sort of emergency. Surrounding exchanges with such negative connotations can cause children a lot of anxiety and even fear about exchanges.

Collins & Collins, P.C.
Albuquerque Attorneys

In the spirit of starting the New Year off on the right foot, here are ten suggestions for making custody exchanges go as smoothly as possible:

1. Follow your Parenting Plan. This may seem obvious, but following the terms of your Parenting Plan as closely as possible helps avoid last minute changes that cause stress for everyone, including children.

2. Keep it Simple. Between the work schedules of two parents and the increasingly demanding school and activity schedules for children, creating a time-sharing schedule can be difficult. Limiting the number of transitions during the week and maintaining the same exchange locations and times can alleviate the stress of exchanges for children and parents alike. Keeping the Parenting Plan, or at least the time-sharing schedule, in an easily visible place can help children and parents keep everything straight.

3. Arrive on Time. This not only helps avoid arguments between parents, it gives children a sense of security knowing that they can count on being picked up and dropped off at a specific time.

4. Keep Everyone Updated. While it's always best to follow the Parenting Plan and to arrive on time, we all know that life can sometimes get in the way. A parent who is running late should let the other parent and, if possible, let the children know what is going on.

5. Pick Up and Drop Off at School. When possible, arranging exchanges at school can minimize contact between parents (if this is needed) and create a smooth transition for children. Be sure to let the school know which parent picks up the children when.

6. Neutral Locations for Exchanges. Sometimes a time-sharing schedule, or children's ages, don't allow for exchanges at school. In those cases, drop off and exchanges at a neutral, public location, like a store parking lot or police substation, can help limit conflict between parents and may be a way to limit travel time for parents that live far away from each other.

7. When Exchanging at Home, be Respectful. If parents have decided to pick up and drop off children at their respective homes, remember to be respectful of other parent's space. Do not enter the home unless invited in and do not make negative comments about the home to the other parent or the children.

8. Communicate with Children. Exchanges can be very difficult for children, who often feel torn between both parents. Encourage children to share their feelings without pumping them for information about the other parent or making negative comments. This can be a difficult balance to reach, especially when there is a high level of conflict between parents. A trained child therapist or psychologist may be able to provide some techniques for encouraging communication in a positive way.

9. Communicate with the Other Parent. This can be the toughest part of co-parenting, but it is essential to making a Parenting Plan work. If the exchanges aren't going well because the children are upset or the schedule is cumbersome, address the problem with the other parent and try to reach a resolution before allowing resentment to build or running back to Court. In high conflict situations, a text or e-mail exchange may help.

10. Change the Time-Sharing as Needed to Meet the Changing Needs of the Children. No Parenting Plan is one size fits all. Children's needs and desires changes as they get older. Work with the other parent to modify the time-sharing schedule as children's needs change. For instance, when a teenager's after school sports practice interferes with their weekly dinner visit with the non-custodial parent, discuss adding in some more weekend time with that parent or an activity they can share.

Keep in mind that the goal of an effective parenting plan at least in the estimation of the courts is to promote the best interests of the children. Exchanges are fertile ground for conflict and conflict in the end hurts the children. Following a few basic rules, and common courtesies, will avoid much unnecessary conflict.

Collins & Collins, P.C.
Albuquerque Attorneys

Like the old song says, "there's no place like home for the holidays," but for children of divorced or separated the often question becomes "whose home for the holidays?"

Given that New Mexico law strongly favors joint legal custody and regular, well-defined periods of time-sharing for both parents, decisions must be made about how parents are going to share time with their children for the holidays.

And, given that the holidays can be a very stressful time, decisions about holiday time-sharing should be made well in advance of the actual holiday. Ideally, every Parenting Plan (the court document that details parents' rights and responsibilities with respect their children) should include a holiday schedule,

When there is not yet a parenting plan and the parents are still in the middle of a custody dispute or who have had a change in circumstances since the entry of their Parenting Plan, the parties must agree on where their children will spend the holidays or have the Court decide for them. This is rarely the best, and never the least stress approach to the problem.

Keep in mind that it can take weeks or months to get a hearing before the Court, so if parents aren't going to be able to agree on holiday time-sharing, they can't wait until the week before Christmas or Thanksgiving and expect to ask the Court to decide the issue for them.

In trying to reach an agreement about holiday time-sharing, or deciding what to ask for from the Court, parents should try to take a step back from the situation and really concentrate on what is in the best interests of their children.

No matter how their parents feel about each other, most children really want to spend time with both parents, especially for the holidays. For instance, children probably want to eat Thanksgiving turkey with their grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins from both sides of the family, but they probably don't want to start one meal at 1:00 p.m. with one parent and then leave at 3:00 p.m. so that the other parent can rush to have the children at a Thanksgiving meal that starts at 4:00 p.m.

Similarly, children will likely want to open Christmas presents under the tree with both parents and they may wake up early to see what Santa brought them, but it is unlikely that, after waking up early, the children want to get dressed, packed and whisked away to the other parent's house by 8:00 a.m. because the other parent insists on having the children for most of Christmas Day.

To avoid the unnecessary stress on the children, parents may consider alternating holidays every year, i.e. one parent has the children for the whole day on Thanksgiving, or even the entirety of the children's Thanksgiving vacation in even years and the other parent has that time in odd years. Or, for Christmas, one parent may have the children from the beginning of the children's Christmas vacation to December 26th and the other parent has the children for the second half of Christmas vacation, including New Year's Eve and New Year's Day. These schedules would alternate each year.

These schedule suggestions may not be right for everyone, but they provide examples of how to focus on giving the children a fun and relaxing holiday, rather than forcing children to run around and feel pulled between parents.

There are many, many time-sharing options and, hopefully, parents can work together to find an agreement that they can live and that, most importantly, maximizes their children's happiness, enjoyment and well-being. An experienced family law attorney can not only advise parents about the law regarding time-sharing, but can be an integral part of finding creative ways to solve time-sharing disputes.

Collins & Collins, P.C.
Albuquerque Attorneys

As any parent knows, raising children can be a very expensive endeavor, which is why all states have laws governing child support for children when parents are divorced, separated or were never married.

In New Mexico, both parents have a duty to support their children and that support is calculated using the New Mexico Child Support Guidelines, which are based on the gross incomes of both parents. The first step in any child support action is gathering income information for both parents and calculating support based on the Guidelines. After the child support has been calculated, the court may enter an order that instructs one parent to pay the other a certain amount of child support every month. Then comes the hard part which is making sure that the support gets paid.

Enforcement of a child support order can be hard on both parents. Given the tough economic times facing many New Mexicans, the parent receiving child support may depend on the monthly check to make ends meet. Receiving a child support payment even a day or two late can cause serious problems, like a bounced rent check or car payment.

In turn, the parent paying support may also be living paycheck to paycheck and may have trouble paying support in addition to his or her monthly bills. However, failure to pay the monthly support obligation can cause a variety of problems for the non-paying parent including suspension of his or her driver's license, seizure of bank and financial accounts, a finding of contempt (and possible jail time and fines), issues with employment to name just a few.

One solution to the problem of getting child support paid on time is through the entry of a wage withholding order. A wage withholding order is similar to a garnishment, in that it is a court order instructing a parent's employer to withhold the monthly child support from a parent's paycheck and send it directly to the parent entitled to receive support. Or, in some cases, the employer sends the child support payment to the Child Support Enforcement Division ("CSED") and then CSED sends it to the other parent.

Both parents can benefit substantially from entry of a wage withholding order. As a preliminary matter, such an order ensures that the support gets paid in a regular, timely fashion, which means that the parent receiving the support can count on getting the support at the same time every month and can plan to pay bills accordingly. It can also help the paying parent meet their obligation because they aren't tempted to pay other bills before paying their child support, after all you can't spend what you don't have. Another substantial benefit to the paying parent is that there is a clear record of what payments were made, so the receiving parent can't claim that they didn't receive a payment, which to the chagrin of many child support paying parents happens with great regularity.

There are limits wage withholding. Most orders provide that an employer cannot withhold more than 50% of the paying parent's income. So, if the paying parent isn't making enough money to cover the monthly obligation, then the receiving parent may be stuck trying to collect the additional support. Also, wage withholding orders typically provide that the total monthly support obligation is divided over pay periods, which can be good for the paying parent but may not be good for the receiving parent who wants the whole monthly obligation all at once.

Child support will be an issue in every divorce involving children or paternity action filed in New Mexico. Having an experienced family law attorney can help both the paying parent and the receiving parent navigate the complicated world of child support, including collection of support after a judgment is entered.

Collins & Collins, P.C.
Albuquerque Attorneys

Being involved in a family law matter, whether it is a divorce or child custody dispute, can be incredibly stressful. The best way to minimize that stress is to resolve the outstanding issues with minimal court time. But when one or both parties are unwilling to reach agreements then court time cannot be avoided.

Most parties tend to focus on the specific facts of their case and how the law applies, which is clearly important. However, another essential element of any court appearance is how the parties and their attorneys conduct themselves. This general advice about how parties should conduct themselves in Court applies to every kind of legal matter from divorce and custody issues to criminal charges to commercial litigation. However, it seems the issue of conduct and decorum most often arises in family law court where both the parties, and on occasion, the lawyers get caught up in the emotion of the case.

As a preliminary matter, everyone should arrive at the courthouse early and at least attempt to confer with the opposing party and/or their counsel. Sometimes the Court will specifically order the parties to arrive at a hearing thirty minutes early in order to meet and confer, but even if the parties are not ordered to arrive early it is a good idea to do so. Many issues, and sometimes whole cases, have been resolved outside the courtroom just before a hearing.

Even if the parties can't resolve their issues, most judges appreciate that the parties tried to do so. Further, being late can result in the hearing being cancelled and reset, or in extreme circumstances, with the Court issuing a default or order of contempt against the party that is not there on time. Arriving promptly for all hearings and trials also shows the Court that the parties respect the authority of the Court.

And, whether or not it should matter, how the parties look is also important. Some Courts have specific dress codes that do not allow parties to wear clothing items like hats, torn jeans or short skirts to Court. Generally speaking, parties should wear clothing that would be appropriate for a business meeting or church gathering.

In addition to showing up and showing up on time, manners and respect for the Court and the process are very important. To begin, the parties should stand when the Judge enters and leaves the courtroom and should address the Judge as "Your Honor." Respect and courtesy in Court is important. Without such respect and courtesy, the hearings can quickly get out of hand.

Perhaps most importantly, beyond basic courtesies, the parties should conduct themselves appropriately any time they are before the Court. This includes things like not speaking out of turn, particularly when this involves interrupting the judge. Judges, like everyone else, do not like being interrupted. These interruptions cause undue delay, prolong hearings, escalate hostility and are very rarely insightful in any event.

The parties should refrain from using foul language. Likewise, the parties should not shout at one another, either of the attorneys, witnesses, and most certainly not the judge. The parties should refrain from arguing with the Judge or giving other confrontational non-verbal cues like rolling their eyes when the Judge, or the other party, speaks.

For the most part, these common sense courtesies should really go without saying but unfortunately, the lack of basic civility is all too common in family court. Due to the emotion, and the fact that this may be the one and only time the parties have ever been in court, they often misconstrue the purpose, the nature and the process. Parties far too often see the court hearing as a debate, a platform or some kind of cathartic release.

It is not. It is no more acceptable in court than outside. Unlike occasions outside the court, the judge has contempt powers which means a party can be arrested and taken into custody for misbehavior. This is relatively rare. What is much more common is that the behavior will alienate the judge. And this is something one does not want to do!

Part of an attorney's job is to try to manage their clients' behavior in front of the Judge so that the Judge sees that party in the most positive light possible. While such good behavior might not actually give one party an advantage, very poor behavior will definitely prejudice the Judge against the badly behaving party. After all, if parties cannot control themselves in court, the judge may wonder how they behave around the children in a custody situation. Then there are the close calls, and common sense will tell you who wins those!

Collins & Collins, P.C.
Albuquerque Attorneys

Appearing in Court for any reason, whether as a party to a case or as a witness or both, can be a great source of anxiety for anyone. That anxiety is often magnified in a family law case because emotions tend to run high when parties are in a divorce or child custody dispute.

One way to help ease the stress of going to Court is to be as prepared as possible for every Court appearance. In New Mexico, family law matters are heard by a District Court judge in the area in which the case is filed, which is called the Judicial District. For instance, cases filed in Albuquerque are heard by the Second Judicial District Court and cases in Rio Rancho are heard by the Thirteenth Judicial District Court.

Once you get in front of the Court, the primary issue at a hearing will most often be how the New Mexico law regarding division of assets and debts, custody, timesharing and child support applies to the facts of the case. Thus, it is essential that the parties and their attorneys be prepared with knowledge of the facts, and evidence to support those facts, as well as knowledge of the applicable law, including print outs of statutes and case law.

Another important part of being prepared for a hearing, beyond knowing the law and facts, is an understanding of what issues are set for that hearing and how much time is allotted. Not every hearing in a family law matter will address all of the outstanding issues between the parties, especially if the matter is highly contentious.

Often a hearing will be set to address a single issue or set of issues, i.e. child support or the interim division of income and expense. This is true during a divorce proceeding, where there may be several shorter hearings before the court holds the final trial or evidentiary hearing at which it resolves all outstanding issues related to the parties' marriage.

In turn, the court has ongoing jurisdiction over support and custody for children until they turn 18, therefore, there can be hearings in those cases every time there is a material and substantial change in circumstances.

Also, Judges will not allow the presentation of evidence at every hearing; some hearings are just set in order to give the Court an idea of the pending issues so it can determine how to proceed. For instance, if the parties are set for a ten minute pre-trial conference at which the Court typically sets dates for trial and other deadlines, the parties should not show up expecting to present evidence of income and expect child support to be ordered.

Having an understanding of what will be addressed at a specific hearing not only helps parties and their attorneys be prepared but it also helps parties' manage their expectations of the relief they can expect to be granted by the Court at each appearance.

Of course, no attorney, or anyone else, can fully predict the outcome of a hearing, or how a Judge will rule on a specific issue. However, an experienced family law attorney should be able to help parties prepare for hearings by explaining what items are on the agenda or docket, understanding the applicable law and knowing the underlying facts.

Such preparation may not completely eliminate the anxiety caused by a court appearance, but is should help calm the parties down and has the added benefit of greatly increasing the party's chances of success.

Collins & Collins, P.C.
Albuquerque Attorneys

Given that divorce and child custody disputes can often be contentious, costly and time consuming for both the parties and the courts, many of the New Mexico judicial districts routinely refer parties to mediation or settlement facilitation.

The purpose of both mediation and settlement facilitation is to provide a means by which parties to a family law case can reach an agreement without having to engage in a lengthy, stressful and costly court battle. The terms meditation and settlement facilitation are often used interchangeably to simply refer to a process wherein the parties sit down with a neutral third party and attempt to resolve their conflict. Although the two terms refer to similar processes, the term settlement facilitation technically applies after a lawsuit has been filed whereas as meditation can occur before, during or after a suit has been filed.

Either way, participating in some sort of dispute resolution process can be very beneficial to both parties. As a preliminary matter, an effective settlement facilitation can save the parties a lot of money in attorney's fees and their own time. Each issue that is settled by the parties without their attorney's having to file motions and attend hearings to argue the disputed issue can save hundreds, or even thousands of dollars.

Further, a settlement facilitation can often be held, and a settlement reached, much more quickly than court action because the facilitation can be scheduled at the convenience of the parties, rather than the Court whose docket is often crowded. In very busy judicial districts, parties can wait months to have a hearing before a judge when a facilitation can be scheduled as soon as all of the parties, their attorneys and the facilitator are available.

The effectiveness of a settlement facilitation depends heavily on how willing the parties are to negotiate. Parties need to realize the cost of full litigation when they are evaluating whether or not they want to wait for a judge to decide an issue or try to resolve it through settlement.

The selection of a facilitator is important. Using an experienced settlement facilitator is critical to the success of a facilitation. The facilitator needs to be good at listening to both parties and addressing their concerns, but also needs to be well-versed in the applicable law so that they can accurately inform the parties of the pros and cons of their relative legal positions and the value of reaching an agreement without further court action

It is essential to remember that the settlement facilitator is an impartial party and cannot provide specific legal advice to the parties. Thus, even in settlement it is important for parties to have their own experienced family law attorney who can represent their specific interest and make sure they are making educated legal decisions.

When both of the parties, their attorneys and the settlement facilitator work together and are committed to resolving the parties' outstanding issues, it can result in an agreement that the parties can live with, that limits the time and financial resources expended by the parties and that allows the parties to move on with their lives.

Finally, at least in Albuquerque's Second Judicial District Court, settlement facilitation is generally required with few exceptions prior to a trial setting. This the Court's way of encouraging the parties to work cooperatively toward a resolution while keeping court dockets down. And to end on an encouraging note, even those parties that must be forced against their will to settlement facilitation will often find some grounds for agreement which will at least minimize the issues to be decided at trial. This alone is worth the price of admission.

Collins & Collins, P.C.
Albuquerque Attorneys

Going through a divorce can be an incredibly difficult experience. Not only are parties mourning the end of a relationship, they are typically dealing with feelings of anger and resentment toward the other person and each blaming the other for what went wrong. Add in the financial strain that comes from dividing debts and assets, along with trying to work out custody and timesharing arrangements, and it is clear why studies typically rank the stress level of a divorce just below the stress involved with losing a loved one. Given the difficulty associated with a divorce, it is often hard for parties to ever see the light at the end of the tunnel.

However, sooner or later (hopefully sooner, but that depends on how reasonable the parties are willing to be in dealing with each other) the divorce will be done. And, once that divorce is complete, each of the parties has a chance at a new beginning in life. This obviously includes the chance to pursue new romantic relationships, but can mean much more than that. In the case of a divorce with children, if the parties can manage to stay civil and work together to make the split as easy as possible on the children then the divorce can actually be good for the children. Living in a home where parents are constantly fighting or that is filled with tension can cause a host of emotional problems for children. Removing that tension by splitting up can often be a relief for children and parents alike and can enable each parent to develop a positive relationship with their children away from the negative relationship with the other parent. In turn, once the stress of living and trying to raise a family together is removed by the divorce, sometimes the parties themselves are able to remember why they became a couple in the first place and actually become friends. Or, if not friends, hopefully that can remain civil toward each other when they attend their children's school events.

After the initial financial shock caused when a community is divided, there can be a sense of freedom that comes with no longer having to make joint financial decisions. Or, sometimes more importantly, no longer being jointly responsible for another person's poor financial choices. For a party who gave up career opportunities to stay home with children, transitional or rehabilitative spousal support can provide the financial means to go back to school or get the specialized training for the job they always wanted. On the other hand, for a party who was the sole breadwinner for the family, the divorce may release the stress that comes with having to always work hard enough to provide for everyone else.

Of course, divorce is hard and can have long-term effects on everyone involved. But, trying to keep a positive outlook and cooperative attitude during the divorce process can not only increase a party's emotional well-being, but it can actually make the process itself go more smoothly. An experienced family law attorney should be able to help their client make smart legal decisions in their divorce and help them keep a positive outlook.

Collins & Collins, P.C.
Albuquerque Attorneys

Almost any time a relationship ends there is some level of conflict, even when the decision is mutual. Sometimes people can break up and go their separate ways fairly simply, however, when the break up necessitates a divorce and/or child custody action things can get complicated. The fact that New Mexico is a no fault divorce state helps to reduce conflict to some extent. But conflict can still arise with the parties themselves having the most control over the level of conflict in a divorce or custody action.

Many parties, especially parties that are particularly angry at their former partner, may insist that they don't care whether or not the conflict level in a case is high, instead they just want to "win" or hurt the other person. However, given that New Mexico's community property laws favor equitable division of assets and debts and that the New Mexico laws favor joint custody, there really aren't winners and losers in family law.

Therefore, increasing conflict or refusing to be reasonable is unlikely to result in the unreasonable party receiving more property or increased custody. What increasing conflict will do is substantially increase the cost of a divorce or custody case. Most family law attorneys charge by the hour for their services. Thus, the more time an attorney has to spend drafting pleadings, communicating with opposing counsel and attending hearings, the more expensive their bill will be. Further, the more hearings, depositions and meetings the parties have to attend, the more time and money is lost when they have to miss work and arrange for child care. Additionally, there can be a serious emotional cost to a high-conflict divorce or custody dispute that is hard to quantify and that emotional cost can often extend beyond the parties to their children and other family members.

Of course, it is a rare case when parties who are separating, or may have been separated for several months or years, can agree on everything. (If they got along that well, they would probably not be breaking up in the first place). What parties can do is sit down with their attorney, or another impartial party, and think about the issues in their divorce or custody battle that really matter the most to them. For example, is a party really that attached to the marital residence, or would they be willing to move out in exchange for a 401(k) distribution that they could use to buy a new house? Does a party really think it in their children's best interest to only see the other parent every other weekend, or are they just trying to hurt the other parent?

Only the parties themselves can answer these questions and reducing conflict may not always be possible, especially if one side simply refuses to compromise. However, any reduction, even if it is only an agreement on a few issues, will help limit both the financial and emotional toll on the parties, and allow them to move on. Hiring an experienced family law attorney can help parties determine which issues are worth holding on to and where compromise may be in their best interest.

Collins & Collins, P.C.
Albuquerque Attorneys

Sadly, there are times in divorce or child custody cases when animosity arises not just between the parents themselves, but between one or both parents and their child. This can result in a severe breakdown in the parent-child relationship to the point where a child may want nothing more to do with a parent.

Of course, this sort of damage to the parent-child relationship can also occur in intact families and can be caused by a variety of factors, including: parental alienation; financial and emotional stress; physical and emotional abuse; drug and alcohol abuse; and/or seemingly no reason at all.

While the New Mexico Courts are committed to protecting the children of the state, the Courts also recognize that it is most often in a child's best interest for both parents to be involved in their life to some degree. Obviously, this is only true when a parent who has been abusive, or otherwise damaged the relationship with their child, demonstrates to the Court that he or she is committed to any changes necessary to making good parenting decisions.

No matter the cause of the damaged parent-child relationship, the Courts can get involved in these cases in a variety of ways. For instance, in a traditional divorce or custody setting, one parent may petition the Court to remove the child from the other parent's care and prevent contact between them based on the other parent's poor behavior. Given New Mexico's commitment to joint custody, the Courts will investigate such claims thoroughly and will remove a child only if it determines that further contact with the other parent is not in the child's best interest.

Other times these cases come before the Courts after the Department of Children Youth and Families ("CYFD") has received a complaint that a parent is abusing or neglecting a child and their investigation shows that such abuse or neglect has indeed taken place. In both instances, the Courts will give the parent who is prevented from contacting their child a chance to demonstrate that they are committed to changing the harmful behavior.

Typically that parent will need to regularly engage in individual therapy to address their anger or other issues. If drugs and alcohol are an issue, that parent may need to participate in treatment on an inpatient or outpatient basis. The court may also order parenting classes. In some cases, where there is a medical necessity, the court may order the parent to take medication as prescribed by a treating phsyicain or mental health professional.

Once a parent has completed the proper course of counseling, therapy and treatment, the Court may order that the parent participate in reunification therapy with the estranged child. The goal of reunification therapy is to mend the relationship between a parent and child, in other words to bring them back together or unify them.

The reunification process will generally move very slowly and will focus on rebuilding trust between the parent and child. Often, both parents will need to be involved in the therapy as it is very important for the child to see that the custodial parent is supportive of their new relationship with the other parent.

Damage to a parent-child relationship can be very serious and, unfortunately, is often permanent. When faced with such a situation, the Courts are forced to walk a fine line between protecting a child and facilitating reunification. Any party faced with this situation, whether as the custodial parent seeking to protect their child, or as the parent whose relationship is damaged, should contact an experienced family law attorney in order to protect their legal rights and those of their child.

Collins & Collins, P.C.
Albuquerque Attorneys

Parties to a divorce or family law proceeding often will try to tie child support to child custody and/or time-sharing. Parties will often use child support offensively to try to gain some advantage in the child custody or time-sharing.

In New Mexico, child support and time-sharing are determined based on independent factors. Custody and time-sharing are determined based on the best interest of the child. In turn, child support is determined by the parents' gross income, along with the cost of work-related child care and health insurance coverage for the child. Child support is affected by whether there is joint custody and where the non-custodial parent has more than 30% time-sharing. Other than that, the two are largely independent.

The issue comes up in a variety of situations. Among the most common is the parent that feels that because he or she does not have custody or the level of time-sharing that they desire that they should be relieved of child support. This is wishful thinking. In fact, even if there is no contact with the child at all whether by order of the court, denial of contact by the other parent or simple disinterest on the part of the non-custodial parent, child support is still owed in its entirely as calculated under the New Mexico Child Support guidelines.

Just as common is the situation where the parent entitled to child support will try to cut off contact with the parent for shortages or delinquencies in child support payments. This is also not allowed. A parent will not be denied time-sharing with the child for failure to pay support. On the other hand, there are numerous other unpleasant and costly consequences associated with the failure to pay support. The worst case is a finding of contempt for willful non-payment of child support which can lead to arrest and de facto denial of contact with the child, at least for the period of incarceration.

The less common, and perhaps the most surprising to the unsuspecting father, is the case where the father does not learn of the child until years after birth, sometimes many years. Though it does not occur often and depending on the age of the child, these fathers can be held responsible for child support back to the date of birth of the child despite the fact that the father was unaware of the child's existence and has gone on to build a family of his own. This can have financially devastating consequences, not to mention the emotional toll on the new family. However, the State of New Mexico's position is that the parents should pay for the support and maintenance of their children whatever the circumstances. Otherwise, as often happens, the costs falls upon the State.

In short, child support and child custody/time-sharing are essentially independent inquiries. One should not be used to manipulate the other. Nor can a parent avoid financial responsibility through non-contact with the child, even when the lack of contact is no fault of his or her own. If you are faced with a situation like this, chances are you have a bit of mess on your hands. These things can be quite complicated and difficult to straighten out. It would be wise to seek the guidance of an experienced divorce and family law attorney.

Collins & Collins, P.C.
Albuquerque Attorneys

Divorce involves many adjustments and changes, including the separation of family members into separate homes, the division of property and the observance of child custody schedules. These disruptions can have profound and long-term effects on children. Many the negative consequences have long been established. One change that has only recently been noted involves the possibility of decreased math performance for kids involved in divorce.

A new study revealed that divorce may have negative effects on children's math scores. Hyun Sik Kim, a Ph.D. candidate in sociology at the University of Wisconsin-Madison used information collected from the Early Childhood Longitudinal Study, which consisted of 3,500 U.S. children entering kindergarten in 1998 through their 5th grade year. The study allowed Kim to monitor families throughout the divorce process.

The negative effect on math scores cannot be easily explained; however, it may be that the skills required for mathematics are more sensitive to external factors, such as divorce. Math involves more mental agility and concentration than other areas of study. If a child is dealing with anxiety or other negative emotions, there may be more difficulty in dealing with the complexity of mathematical equations.

Interestingly, math difficulties did not appear to surface during the time preceding the divorce, but only after parents were in the midst of the divorce process. Experts believe that this is an indication that pre-divorce conflict may not have as much do with poor performance as the sense of change and loss experienced by children in a divorce.

Unfortunately, there is no evidence that children suffering from a math setback associated with divorce ever catch back up to their peers, yet experts agree that more long-term studies are needed. And the news is not all bad, as there was no measurable drop in reading scores among children of divorce. Experts believe this area of study may not call on the same mental skill set as mathematics. Reading requires more memorization and less building upon previously taught concepts.

Parents can attempt to minimize the effect of divorce on their children by responding early, remaining available and providing support. They can also try to keep transitions as smooth as possible and provide some security through predictable and stable routines. Most importantly, parents can alert teachers to the changes in their children's lives. Teachers can then remain mindful to observe declines in math performance and provide added support when necessary.

If you are facing a divorce with children, the guidance of an experienced family law attorney can be invaluable in identifying the many options for minimizing the negative impact of the process on the children. Changes and stress may be inevitable in a divorce, but poor math performance need not be if parents are aware and sensitive to the issues. After all, the standard in New Mexico for child custody and time-sharing is the "best interests of the child" and failures in math hardly achieve this goal.

Collins & Collins, P.C.
Albuquerque Attorneys

The New Mexico Department of Children, Youth and Families ("CYFD") is charged with investigating and preventing abuse and neglect of children, as well as providing a variety of other services to New Mexican families. Unfortunately, allegations of abuse or neglect, whether true or not, commonly arise during a or other child custody dispute and CYFD may become involved in investigating those allegations.

Parties should never be deterred from contacting the proper authorities, including CYFD, if they suspect that their child, or any other child, is being abused or neglected. In fact, certain people, such as education and health professionals may be legally or ethically bound to report suspected abuse or neglect to CYFD. However, it is important to realize that such reporting has serious consequences. CYFD is authorized under the Children's Code to testify as to the contents of their investigation at any district court divorce or custody hearing, however, they are also authorized to bring specialized court actions against parents to remove a child from their parent's home, or in extreme cases, to terminate parental rights.

Further, once a complaint has been made to CYFD, their investigation may not be limited to just the party about whom the complaint is made. Not every complaint to CYFD results in a full-blown investigation and, in fact, many are deemed unsubstantiated and quickly closed. However, if CYFD determines that more investigation is necessary, the CYFD case worker is allowed to speak: directly with a child, with or without a parent present; with both parents; with any other family members; and, with any other people involved in a child's life, including teachers, doctors or even neighbors. And, the testimony of CYFD investigators and case workers is given great weight by the Courts because the great responsibility given to them by the Children's Code. Thus, in a "he said/she said" situation between CYFD and a parent, or other caregiver, the Court will often side with CYFD even when CYFD's testimony may be based on hearsay or other evidence that is normally admissible.

Therefore, anyone thinking about using an invalid CYFD complaint to gain the upper hand in a custody battle should think twice before doing so because if the complaint results in a full-blown investigation both parents may be subject to in-depth scrutiny of every aspect of their lives. Further, once CYFD makes recommendations, much of the decision-making regarding the child may be taken out of the parties' hand, resulting in a custody determination that neither party likes. On the other hand, anyone who is subject to a CYFD investigation should consult a family law attorney immediately in order to ensure that they properly comply with CYFD while also protecting their parental rights. CYFD involvement in a custody case can very quickly complicate the legal process and having counsel involved early on in that process may help to prevent some of those complications.

Collins & Collins, P.C.
Albuquerque Attorneys

The option for divorce is an adult right. Certain situations make continuing a relationship difficult, even impossible, particularly when differences appear irreconcilable. In fact, a divorce decree may usher in a period of relief and freedom for the adults involved; however, research shows these same positive effects may not transfer to the children involved. In fact, according to a longitudinal study of children of divorce over a span of twenty-five years, there are certain consequences that children may suffer long into adulthood after witnessing/enduring the divorce of their parents.

The children chosen for this study were considered to have achieved proper developmental and academic levels, and never received prior counseling for emotional problems. Children of poverty and ethnicity were not involved, thus the sample group consisted predominantly of middle-class, Caucasian children. Those constructing the study thought this group would present a look at divorce under the best possible conditions.

At the 25-year-mark, 73% of the original sample was interviewed, along with a similar group of people who had grown up within families who remained intact.

The study revealed that children of divorce, no matter the circumstances, may not be as resilient as once thought. Thus, the study recharted the impact divorce has on children as more of a life-transforming event that may stick with certain individuals indefinitely, than merely something that someone recovers from and moves on.

The findings for the impact on children are not surprising and have long been recognized. The adverse consequences to children include:

1. higher anxiety levels;
2. poorer views on the reliability of relationships;
3. more behavioral problems than their peers;
4. more difficulty in social situations;
5. less opportunity for higher education than their peers; and
6. earlier drug and alcohol use.

The long term consequences are equally concerning. Some of the findings in adult children twenty-five years later included:

1. intrusive negative memories and a sense of foreboding;
2. heightened fears of failure;
3. poorer conflict resolution skills.
4. more difficulty in decision making;
5. less likely to marry, and if married, less satisfied with their marriage and a higher chance of divorce; and
6. less likely to have children.

At the core of the difficulties for adult children of divorce are a loss of hope, a lack of positive images regarding marital partnerships, as well as difficulty in choosing their own partners and establishing healthy marital relationships.

So, what can be done to minimize the effects of divorce on children? The study suggests that giving kids an opportunity to truly voice their feelings and concerns through "expressive therapy" may help. This could be done in either individual or group settings, where the kids are taught how to deal candidly with tough issues such as love and trust.

It is also advised that therapists address abandonment issues immediately, so that participants don't flee the therapy relationship before progress can be made. Another suggestion involved parents having an open discussion with children, in an age appropriate sense, regarding the reasons for the divorce. It was discovered that many children felt an overwhelming sense of foreboding due to a lack of understanding. Lastly, counseling with both parents and children could explore the mistakes that had been made in the marital relationship, so that a child can learn conflict management and resolution skills.

Put most simply, it is recommended that parents reassure their children that once grown, they are capable of having lasting, healthy relationships of their own. The hope is to view divorce less as inevitable and more as a result of preventable human mistakes.

If you're going through a divorce, it is important to remain mindful of both short-term and long-term consequences children may suffer. Equally important is to be aware of some remedies that can offer both you and your child a brighter, more confident future. To guide you throughout the divorce process, contact an experienced family law attorney that can help you implement a plan to take both the consequences and remedies into account.

Collins & Collins, P.C.
Albuquerque Attorneys